The Power of Relationships and Lived Experiences with Sharman Spieser

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“Action for White listeners has to begin with honest self-assessment and identification of where internal, personal work needs to be done. And for all of us – I hope we can learn that we sometimes have to be uncomfortable together, and be able to push forward to a shared vision of what we hope to be.

We can change ourselves in order to make radical change. It starts personally and then moves into the collective realm, and ultimately (and that can mean in small communities), the movement can expand into radical changes in the systems of white supremacy and capitalism. (I hope)”

–Sharman Spieser

After witnessing the racism her Black students experienced up close on a bus trip to Kentucky, Sharman Spieser’s awareness shifted from understanding how racism operates on an intellectual level to a deeper understanding gained from lived-experience.

She reflects on how segregation, isolation, and scarcity thinking operate within a white supremacist capitalist system to keep us apart, and emphasizes the power of building authentic, trusting relationships that create the conditions for honest dialogue to happen as a way of unlearning white supremacy and advancing antiracist social change.

This Personal Journeys segment includes:

• The difference between intellectual knowledge of racism and visceral understanding through lived experiences
• How white supremacy and systems of segregation intentionally keep people apart
• The impact of relationships and direct feedback on challenging white cultural norms
• Navigating and confronting defensiveness, scarcity mindsets, and discomfort among white liberals
• The ongoing practice of hope, humility, and accountability on a personal and collective level

Meet Sharman

I am a 73-year old, retired White woman who aspires to re-learn history through a race-conscious lens, and to grow accordingly. Pivotal personal evolutions have included being a guardian of my younger brothers, a wife (twice), a matriarch in my family, and – most powerfully – mother to a now 37-year old son (who is also White).

I believe personal experiences (as well as professional) have greatly impacted my ability to see outside of my race, gender, and class identities. For some reason I don’t completely understand I am drawn to understanding the “why” underneath the “what” of things I see happening around me, and this includes a deep curiosity about who people are (and have become) in relation to their life experiences and identities. I think these qualities have made me more effective in my professional capacities, which have included being a teacher in Corrections; Associate Director of EMU’s Project Upward Bound, an Affirmative Action associate at the University of Michigan who handled (heard and responded to) sexual harassment complaints; and an administrator of Alternative and Adult Education programs serving Romulus and nearby areas (for 11 years) as well as Ann Arbor and Ypsilanti for 15+ years.

Due to a variety of privileged identities, I was able to retire several years ago with a pension and to collect social security. These advantages have enabled me to channel the time, energy, skills, and insights I now have back into my community – in ways that are more radical than I’ve been able to be previously. By “radical,” I mean with more honesty, humility, and accountability than I was able to practice before retirement. With only a third (possibly) of life left to live, my goals are to contribute meaningfully, travel in ways that help me learn true history, and to be accessible and fully present in the most important relationships of my life – with my son, friends, and family.

More from Sharman

Traveling to Kentucky (in the late 1970’s) for an outdoor wilderness experience with our Upward Bound students. Seeing how differently they were treated in restaurants, for example, because they weren’t White. And I was also treated differently because I was with them. To a lesser extent, this was also true of my colleagues of color when we traveled to different cities for conferences, but the first time it really hit me was on the trip with UB. I was stunned; it was like a punch in the gut.

I remember being in shock, not being able to speak because my head and my heart were so thrown out of balance, on the way home and for days afterwards. I’ve had other pivotal moments like this, when I’ve had lived experiences while being with Black colleagues, friends, and, especially Black men, where we appear to be (and may be) in relationships. The emotions I feel are frequently shock, anger, and empathy. These can be followed by frustration and disbelief when I try to share them with White friends and/or report them to so-called “authorities” (like police).

I have to continually process the enormity of what non-White people are up against. And I have to simultaneously keep believing in our power to collectively reject and discard the foundation this country was built upon, and create a new, healthy, value and community-driven system of being. As I have continued to work and volunteer with people who are not valued and who are not treated as equal human beings by our country and its culture, my understanding of racism has evolved from seeing it as interpersonal incidents between people, into the realization that our entire system(s) of living and being have been set up by White supremacists / White supremacy to be exactly what it is. While seeing and pushing back on this, we must simultaneously develop a vision for what we CAN be, and nurture our faith that it’s possible!

Thoughts on Internalized Oppression and Internalized Superiority

Discovering my experiences of internalized oppression, acknowledging them and their places in my trauma, and connecting the dots to how I judge and oppress others, is a constant process. Like internalized superiority, I have to learn to see it, wrestle with it, and live with it as a part of me.

Learning to overcome the shame of the results of my internalized superiority is a project that is constantly under construction. Now I know that if I get stuck in my shame, that’s another form of self-centeredness (not wanting to be uncomfortable). So I push through it by thinking of respectful and appropriate ways of making reparations, and sometimes that can only be done by continuing to hold myself accountable.

Name Drops and Appreciations from Sharman

So many people and things – I’ll list those that stand out in my mind. My first boss, the Upward Bound Director, a man of color who mentored me in every way, along with the Upward Bound students who gave me direct and sometimes hard-to-receive feedback through their words and actions, and who were also always themselves – being open and vulnerable and allowing us to grow collectively, together. I was lucky to be at UM (and working in the Ann Arbor Public Schools) during times when there was still funding for professional development, and when DEI training was a priority.

That was my introduction to things like White privilege and the fact that there can be cultural differences that are not racist to acknowledge and try to understand. Also, my acquaintance with institutional and systemic sexism, homophobia, ableism, and racism (when I was only taking baby steps towards understanding the truths of oppression).

Access to training and learning continued in AAPS, where I was introduced to Glen Singleton and his teachings – in person. I can’t emphasize too much the impact his teachings have had and continue to have on me. His bluntness and unwillingness to capitulate to any kind of fragility when conducting training, along with the Courageous Conversation model and his other writings and exercises on race and anti-racism, continue to be foundational guides for me.

Equally powerful is the White Privilege Conference, which I’ve attended annually (except for two years during Covid) since about 2012. Along with readings, podcasts, movies, and dialogues with friends, these teachers and opportunities have been significant in my journey.

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Social Justice Origin Stories is produced, edited, and hosted by Relando Thompkins-Jones